That Intoxicated

A cop at the party I was at last night asked who had a gun, I was so wasted I thought he said who had fun so i raised my hand…That Intoxicated
Submitted by Garry.

When I’m drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i’m throwing lightning bolts into the toilet…it helps me focus. that intoxicated
Submitted by Anonymous.

if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous. That intoxicated
Submitted by Anonymous.

I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I’m such a classy drunk. That intoxicated
Submitted by Anonymous.

take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed… you were not that drunk. that intoxicated
Submitted by Anonymous.

You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student. That intoxicated
Submitted by Anonymous.

She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet. that intoxicated
Submitted by Anonymous.

All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles. That intoxicated
Submitted by Anonymous.

I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference! that intoxicated
Submitted by Anonymous.

I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You’re welcome. that intoxicated
Submitted by Anonymous.